Larry Crabb and Dan Allender, Encouragement : The Key to Caring, Anzea Books, 1990 (1984, Zondervan Publishing House)
교회의 본질은 무엇인가? 코로나 이후 무엇이 달라지고 있는가? 오늘날 우리 교회는 무엇을 회복해야 하는가?
우리들의 관계는 어떠해야 하는가? 어떻게 피상적인 관계를 벗어나 생명을 주고 나누는 살아있는 교제를 가질 수 있을까?
The more I understand people and their needs, the more I am persuaded that God has uniquely designed the local church to respond to those needs. And as my conviction grows, so does my frustration. (11)
The muscles of relationship within the Christian body atrophy when we fail to exercise them, and the church becomes limp… The church often responds to such misdiagnoses by trying to create and maintain a soul-grabbing level of excitement and by legislating stronger commitment for members who fail to catch the disease of induced enthusiasm. .. Through it all, the potential of the church for satisfying longings and for nourishing life diminishes. Worship becomes ritual, and teaching loses power. How can we recapture our focus in the church? What can we do to shift our attention back to relating to God and to each other in loving fellowship and mutual ministry? (11-12)
Christians are commanded to encourage one another. Because words have power to affect people deeply, it is appropriate to consider how to encourage fellow Christians through what we say. Words can encourage, discourage, or do nothing. Shallow words accomplish little, death words discourage, and life words encourage. We must learn to speak sincerely with positive impact, using words to help other Christians pursue the pathway of obedience more zealously. (25)
People are afraid of rejection. Therefore they try to avoid rejection by putting their best foot forward, that is, by wearing protective layers designed to win approval. Our words are intended to serve the purpose of our own protection. They are self-serving. Therefore, words spoken from a layer are sinful; they do not reflect a concern for others’ needs as greater than our own. When “layered Christians” meet together, their purpose is to protect themselves from each other or to use each other to enhance their own self-esteem. Layer-to-layer fellowship produces surface community, a relational structure in which people do not really touch one another. No encouragement can take place in surface community. (36)
관계에서 언어는 어떤 기능을 하는가? Total Openness and Total Commitment, 완전한 개방과 완전한 헌신은 어떻게 다른가? 다른 사람들로부터 완전한 수용을 기대하고 있지는 않은가?
Only words of love can encourage. Layer-to-layer fellowship must be eliminated for real community, characterized by love and mutual concern, to develop. The remedy for layer-to-layer fellowship is not to rip off our layers and courageously expose to one another all that we are and feel. Though we must expose ourselves before God and openly confess our sinfulness to Him, total openness with people is a mistake generally motivated by a desire to have others accept us as we are. We are to depend only on God for the acceptance we need. (45)
Total openness will not solve the problem of surface community, but total commitment will. Total commitment requires that we commit ourselves, not to reducing our fears, but to doing whatever we can to reduce the fears of others, or to fulfill their needs. The idea of total commitment gets at the motivation behind our words. We are to be more concerned that our purpose is to minister to others than with the specific words we say. Awareness of our motivation requires spiritual insight available only through the study and meditation of Scripture. We are to commit ourselves to the goal of encouraging others while we acknowledge our desire to be encouraged by others. When our desire to be encouraged is not met, it is difficult to maintain our goal to minister to others- but it is possible. (54)
We are to maintain our commitment to minister to others even when others are severely failing in their ministry to us. The commitment to minister requires that we never fully abandon ourselves to another human being, nor ever wholly depend on someone else to minister us… depend fully on another. The result is the pain of loneliness. If, during our moments of deepest loneliness, we abandon ourselves completely to God, depending on Him to minister to us, we will meet God. Our deepest parts will be strengthened; our character will become rooted in His resources. We will then be enabled to continue with our commitment to minister, motivated by our time spent in His presence. Our words will be words of giving, overflowing with the love He has made known to us. Our words will have the power to encourage. (60)
Encouragers must allow themselves to feel the full weight of their emotions, but then subordinate their expression to the purpose of God. Refusing to express emotions for any reason other than voluntary submission to the goal of ministry will create personal difficulties. Chosen expression of acknowledged emotions within the framework of ministry is the biblical strategy for handling negative emotions. (68)
Words that encourage are motivated by the speaker’s love and directed toward the hearer’s fear. Words motivated by the speaker’s fear and directed to the hearer’s defensive patterns generate pressure… To speak from love, encouragers must be willing to endure what they fear - the loss of relationship with others - in confidence that although all may forsake them, Christ never will. (81)
Warm, affirming relationships that neglect the truth of biblical directives may promote happy feelings and improved self-images, but they do not promote godly character. Maximum growth in Christian maturity occurs when truth is presented in the context of relationships. (91)
When an encourager suspects that a brother or sister is sharing a disguised need, he must respond with sensitivity. (101)
The serious effort to understand (not solve) a problem is central to the work of encouragement. (109)
To become an encourager, we must first identify our manipulative layers and determine to pursue the goal of ministry. Secondly, we must discipline oursevles to speak slowly, to be sensitive to the needs and problems of the person with whom we are speaking, and to speak gently with the purpose of reducing fear. Then we must avoid responding to people in ways that communicate rejection of what they are sharing. We must not defend, apologize, attack, correct, or offer quick advice. (119)
Nonverbal messages must consistently and clearly express involvement… squarely face, openly face, lean forward, eye contact, relax… Verval techniques: reflection, clarification, exploring and intimate interactioni. (129)
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